Monday, April 15, 2013

Heavy On My Heart

My blog is not usually that of a political platform or a way for me to broadcast my opinions. I hope that I live in such a way that those things would be clearly evident in my every day life. (Besides, blogging about DIY crafts and cool projects are way more fun and less stressful). However, I feel that ever since I read the article about Dr. Kermit Gosnel, I have had this subject very heavy on my heart. 

If you are not aware of who Dr. Kermit Gosnel is...HERE  is an article about who he is and what he is on trial for. But be warned that it is disturbing, horrific, and once read...cannot be un-read. I had a hard time looking at my newborn after reading the article without picturing the disgusting actions of this man. 

No matter how you feel about the "rights of a woman over her body" or whether or not you are pro-life or pro-choice, this man has clearly committed acts of murder and this shouldn't be thought of anything less than infanticide. But it has me wondering...what about the women who felt that their only option was to go to this man, in these unclean and dangerous conditions? My heart hurts for those little babies, but my heart, body and mind ache for those women. I know that the arms of my Heavenly Father are holding those babies tight, but who is holding these mothers? 

It is so sad to me that women who become pregnant with unplanned and unexpected pregnancies think that abortion is their only option. It is even sadder that abortion is so easily available and accessible. Most of these women aren't even told about other options when they inquire about abortion -- and I would know. 

Because I was one of them.

I was 18. Away from home for the first time. And I got pregnant. I panicked and one of the first things I did was go to Planned Parenthood. It still makes me sick to my stomach with sadness to think I even entertained the thought for as little time as I did. I went in, they gave me paperwork, and made me listen to some recording about their "policies". I was never IDed and I was never told that abortion was not my only choice.  I wasn't even asked how old I was. The rest is a little blurry because I threw the papers and ran out of that place as quickly as I could. The whole experience lasted less than 10 minutes. I am thankful that I had been raised to know the difference of right and wrong on this subject and even though I was scared to death to tell my parents, I knew abortion was NOT an option...let alone the only one. I am also thankful for my husband who spoke two words that confirmed our decision to keep our baby and not abort: "Please don't" he said and we never discussed it again. 

I guess I feel compelled to write this because I think these women are deceived by the media and Satan and even by judgemental people to think that they need to abort their baby in order to "fix" the problem. But that isn't the case. There is adoption which is a beautiful way for a baby to still be loved and raised by parents who can't have their own babies physically. Or the option of keeping your baby and raising it. It was a mix of the three for me that made me think I needed to have an abortion before "embarrassing" my family. But as a society and especially as Christians, I think it is time to take a stand and show these women the love and grace that God has shown me and tell them about their other options.

My life has become a beautiful example of God's grace and forgiveness and what it can do to a person. Beautiful, transforming, ever growing. It hasn't always been me. The hardships and fights that are still so seemingly fresh, even after five years, are still a constant struggle to forget about. And still there are hard times: when someone does the math of Henry and my anniversary and how old our son is, or the dreaded talk that I will have to have with my son one day and explain things, and even the preconceived notions that we are only married because I got pregnant (-which couldn't be further from the truth). But it is worth it. The beauty of being a mother and the miracle of my son, who I can say with confidence saved my life, is one that could have been taken away if I hadn't been aware of my options. 

These women are missing out on 'what could have been' because they walk into a clinic, even one like Dr. Kermit Gosnel, and walk out with no baby and no knowledge or resources of other choices. I pray that these women have found the comfort and healing that only Jesus Christ can provide. If you have had an abortion, there is forgiveness and freedom from your sorrow. If someone is thinking about an abortion, I pray that they will be encouraged to truly think about it and their other options. And I pray that God would put someone in their path who is bold, but loving enough to tell them abortion is not the answer. 

My husband has been by my side through this journey and has stuck by me through everything...even when family didn't step up to the plate. But they came around, some more quickly than others, but they came. My parents were sad and disappointed, but they never disowned me and helped me tremendously. I know some women aren't as fortunate as to have the father and family that I did who love my children and supported me, but there are other supporters out there: a church, an organization, a friend, but more importantly- Jesus.  

There are places out there like The Blue Ridge Pregnancy Center who can help and counsel anyone  who finds themselves in this position. They were a huge resource to Henry and I and we are very thankful for them. 

Again, my intention is not to shove my opinion on anyone, offend anyone, and especially make any women feel guilty. All I want is to share a little bit of my story in the hopes that it offers women in the same situation a new perspective. 

But I trust in your unfailing love;
    my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing the Lord’s praise,
    for he has been good to me.

--Psalm 13:5 & 6

{My oldest son: who changed my life and showed me what love really is}

{The joy that he has grown to be} 

{An older brother, a friend, a son, a joy, a constant reminder of God's grace}

{What my family has grown to be and all because of God's plan for me!}


  1. I just found ur blog via ur instagram,and have quickly fallen in love with it!!! Your transparency and willingness to show ur weaknesses and frailties makes u so beautiful, and shines God's glory all over!! Blessings to u and ur family!

    1. That was Kelly Webb who wrote that above!


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